Funiest world picture and joke collection, jokes funny stories, very funny short stories

Duck hunting

2007-11-03T12:36:00.000-07:00

He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake with their guns, a dog, and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready.

Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it's going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill. So, out of the back of the new Navigator truck comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse.

Now, these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and from the new Navigator truck), and they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the lit dynamite fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast. They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite as far away as they can.

Remember a couple of sentences back when I mentioned the vehicle, the guns, and the dog??

Let's talk about the dog: it's a highly trained Labrador used for RETRIEVING. Especially well trained at retrieving things thrown by the owner. You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream, wave their arms and wonder what to do now. The dog, cheered on, keeps coming.

One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 birdshot, hardly big enough to stop a Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, but continues on. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinking these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator truck..

The men continue to yell as they run away. The exhaust pipe on the truck is still hot, so the dog yelps and drops the dynamite under the truck, and takes off after his master.

Then --BOOM-- the truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces.

The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED. He still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments!!!

And you thought your day was not going well.

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Source : http://www.onlyfunnystories.com

Nasty Bug

2007-11-03T12:31:00.000-07:00

Every night, Harold would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, and left.
The next night, after he finished his 3th beer, the doorbell rang. He walked slowly to the door and found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left.

The next night, after he finished his 1st beer, the doorbell rang again. The same six-foot cockroach was standing there. This time he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left.

The fourth night Harold didn't drink at all. The doorbell rang. The cockroach was standing there. The bug beat the snot out of Harold and left him in a heap on the living room floor.

The following day, Harold went to see his doctor. He explained events of the preceding four nights. "What can I do?" he pleaded.
"Not much" the doctor replied. "There's just a nasty bug going around."

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Source : http://www.onlyfunnystories.com

The Bar Story

2007-11-03T12:29:00.000-07:00

This guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth floor of a hotel. He sits down and has a couple of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had enough, and goes over and jumps out the window. Now, there are two men who are sitting at a window table, and having that natural human curiosity about the grotesque, watch as this man plummets to certain death. However, just as he is about to hit the ground, he rights himself, pulls his feet underneath himself, and lands gracefully. He then turns and comes back into the building. Naturally, the two men are amazed. The guy comes back into the bar, orders a few drinks, then repeats the process. The two men at the window seat are astounded! When the guy returns and repeats the procedure AGAIN, the two men stop him before he jumps and ask him how on earth he does that. He replies "It's simple, really. There's an air vent down by the ground, and if you catch the updraft, you can right yourself and land on the ground with no problems." Then he proceeded to jump out the window again. Well, these two men decided that they just HAD to try this, so they jumped out the window, and SPLAT! -- made a mess hitting all over the ground.

Meanwhile, the first guy has made it back up to the bar. When he sits down to order his drinks, the bartender says "Superman, you can be a real ------- when you're drunk!"

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Trick or Treat

2007-08-17T04:27:00.000-07:00

There were these two children of color trying to decide what to get dressed as to go trick-or-treating for Halloween. Finally the oldest one,Robert, turned to his sister Francine and said, "I know, we'll go as Hansel and Gretel."

Well, they dressed up as Hansel and Gretel on Halloween night and off they went to ring doorbells all over the neighborhood. They came to a house on the end of their block and Robert rang the doorbell.

"Trick or Treat," Robert and Francine yelled in unison.

The old man at the door peered down at them and said. "And who are you?"

"Why, we're Hansel and Gretel," Robert said.

The man shook his head."You can't be Hansel and Gretel. Hansel and Gretel were white." And then he slammed the door on their faces.

Well Robert and Francine went back to their house and Robert thought furiously. "I know," he said. "You can go as Little Bo Peep and I'll go asLittle Boy Blue."

So they changed quickly into their new costumes and headed back out the door. A few minutes later, they found themselves at the same house as earlier.

"Trick or Treat," Robert and Francine yelled again as the door opened.

Once again the man stared down at them and said, "Who might you be." "Why we're Little Bo Peep and Little Boy Blue," Robert said. The man shook his head and said. "You can't be Little Bo Peep and LittleBoy Blue. They were white." And he slammed the door on their faces.

Robert and Francine walked back to the house, their candy bags empty. But Robert got an idea and quickly slipped out of his costume. Then he helpedFrancine out of hers.

When the knock came at the door, the old man grabbed his basket of candy and opened the door. Much to his surprise, there were two naked black children standing on his porch.

"Well, what do we have here," he asked.

"Two M&Ms," Robert said. "One with nuts and one without."

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Little Tommy's Dead Frog

2007-08-17T04:24:00.000-07:00

One day, little Tommy wanders into the local brothel, dragging a dead frog on a piece of string along behind him (FX: thud thud thud etc.) He goes up to the woman at the front and says "Please, Miss, I'd like a girl please." "Go home, sonny" replies the proprietor, not unkindly, "you're too young yet for this."

Tommy reaches into his pocket and drags out a £50 note which he slaps on the desk and beams brightly. "Up the stairs, third door on the right" comes the reply as the £50 vanishes.

Tommy starts to climb the stairs, (Thud thud etc.) when he runs back again. "I forgot, this girl has got to have active herpes!" he cries."No way kid, all our girls are clean!" Tommy reaches into the other pocket and another £50 appears. "Ah, last door on the left..." he is told.

Tommy climbs the stairs, still dragging the dead frog on the string(thud thud thud), and some time later reappears. He waves to the woman at the front desk and is about to go out (avec frog) when she calls him back.

"I can understand curiosity at your age," she says, "but why the active herpes?"

"Well," says Tommy, "when I go home, the baby sitter will be there. I'll screw her before she goes home and she'll get the herpes. Later on, dad'll take her home and have her in the back of the Mercedes, and he'll get the herpes. Later on, he'll get back and jump on mummy and she will get the herpes too. In the morning, daddy'll go to work, the milkman will come and get in bed with mummy and he'll get the herpes andHE'S THE BASTARD WHO RAN OVER MY FROG!"

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Source : http://www.funnybone.com

The Wild and Wooly West...

2007-08-17T04:22:00.000-07:00

An Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in an oldWestern town when he noticed a curious lack of women. Walking into the local saloon he asked a local, "What do you fellas do around here for entertainment?"

"Ya mean women?" asked the local yokel. "We ain't got none. 'Round here folks fuck sheep."

"That's disgusting," cried the correspondent, "I've never heard of such moral degradation."

However, after a few months, the correspondent's rocks were beginning to ache and the sheep were looking more and more attractive.So he finally went out and found himself a comely sheep, brought her back to his room, shampooed her and then tied ribbons in her hair. After a bottle of champagne, he lured the sheep into his bedchamber and released his pent-up frustrations.

Afterward, he escorted his four-legged lover to the saloon for a drink. As the correspondent and his wooly mate entered, a hush fell over the patrons and the anxious couple became the object of many stares.

"You goddamn bunch of hypocrites!" the reporter yelled. "You've been fucking sheep for years, but when I do it up right you look at me likeI'm some sort of crazy pervert!"

One cowboy in the back of the crowd spoke up, "Yeah, but that's the sheriff's gal!"
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A Big Stick...

2007-08-17T04:21:00.000-07:00

A fellow was following a truck in heavy traffic. Every block or so,when they were stopped at a stop light, the driver of the truck would jump out of the cab with a big stick and bang on the side of the cargo bay. He'd then jump back into the cab in time to drive away when the signal changed.

The first fellow observed this for several miles, until he could stand it no longer. The next time the truck driver jumped out with the stick, the first fellow jumped out and ran up to him. "I'm sorry to bother you," he said, over the din of the banging, "but I am very curious; could you tell me what you are doing?"

Without breaking rhythm, the truck driver replied, "Sure, Mac. Ya see, this here's a six-ton truck but I've got eight tons of canaries aboard, so I've gotta keep two ton of them flying all the time so I don't break an axle".
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A Parrot Which Never Talks...

2007-08-17T04:20:00.000-07:00

There's a guy who owns a parrot which never talks. So he goes to the pet shop to get some advice. The pet shop owner says he knows exactly what the problem is.

"Your parrot has too much hook in it's beak, what you have to do is file it's beak back and it will be able to talk just fine. You've got to be careful not to file it too far though, because if you take too much off the bird will drown the first time it has a drink."

The parrot owner asks how much the pet shop guy charges to do this beak modification and he says $100. So the parrot fancier decides he'll do it himself.

A week or so later they bump into one another in the street. The pet shop guy enquires how the parrot is and whether it is talking yet? The parrot owner says "the parrots dead". Pet shop guy says "I told you not to file the beak back too far, did he drown when he had a drink?".

Ex-parrot owner says "Shit no, he was dead before I got him out of the vice!!"

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The Smiths

2007-06-15T04:05:00.000-07:00

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to
arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, madam. I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of
babies"
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
"My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with"
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
a good look"
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
um......equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we
can get to work."
"Tripod?????"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's
fainted!!"

Source : http://www.jokes2go.com/jokes/20264.html

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teacher

2007-06-15T04:00:00.000-07:00

The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the
front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is
"beautiful". Little Sally, would you please come up here and use
"beautiful" in a sentence?" Little Sally walked to the front of the room,
thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful
woman in the world." Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit.
Little Frankie, your turn." Little Frankie walked to the front of the
room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, the sunrise this morning
was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen." Teacher says, "Very
good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn." Little
Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said,
"Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and
he said, "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful."

Source : http://www.jokes2go.com/jtoday.html

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Stuck

2007-06-12T01:10:00.000-07:00

Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

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A Bug

2007-06-06T03:33:00.000-07:00

Every night, Frank would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, then left.

The next night, after he finished his 4th beer, the doorbell rang. He walked slowly to the door and found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left.

The next night, after he finished his 1st beer, the doorbell rang again. The same six-foot cockroach was standing there. This time he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left.

The fourth night Frank didn't drink at all. The doorbell rang. The cockroach was standing there. The bug beat the snot out of Frank and left him in a heap on the living room floor.

The following day, Frank went to see his doctor. He explained events of the preceding four nights. "What can I do?" he pleaded. "Not much" the doctor replied. "There's just a nasty bug going around."

Source : http://www.funs.co.uk

Can't Explain

2007-06-06T03:28:00.000-07:00

A Farmer walks into the local bar and sits down at the bar.

The Farmer mumbles, "Some things I just can't explain." The bartender, who knows the Farmer as Jim, asks, "What do you mean Jim?".
"Well, you know my old cow Betsy? I was milking her this morning and out of the blue she knocks the pail of milk over with her right back leg. So I picked up a piece of rope laying nearby and cut me off a piece. I tied her leg to the post nearby, but some things I just can't explain," Jim said.
"Jim, What do you mean by that," the Bartender asks.
"Well, I commenced to milking her again and when the pail got half full she kick it over with her left back leg. So I took the left over piece of rope and tied her other leg to another post, but some things I just can't explain," Jim added.
"Jim, tell me what it is you can't explain and I'll see if I can help," the Bartender said.
"Well, after that I went back to milking her and again I got the pail half full and I'll be darned if she didn't knock the pail over with her tail. Since I didn't have any more rope left I took off my belt and tied one end to her tail. Then I stood up on my stool and reached up to hook the buckle on a nail just above. About that time my pants fell to my ankles and my wife walks into the barn. That's what I can't explain."

Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Infrequently Relations

2007-06-06T03:27:00.002-07:00

An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry.

Before the wedding they embarked on a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their connubial relationship, "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather hopefully.

"Oh, I like to have it infrequently," she responded.

The old guy thought for a moment, then asked, "Was that one word or two?"

Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Pussy And Bitch

2007-06-06T03:27:00.001-07:00

A kid comes home from school and says to his mom, "Mom I've got a problem."
She says "Tell me." He tells her that the boys at school are using 2 words he doesn't understand. She asks him what they are.
He says "well, pussy and bitch".
She says "Oh That's no big deal, pussy is a cat like our little Mittens, and bitch is a female dog like our Sandy."
He thanks her and goes to visit dad in the workshop in the basement. He says to his dad, "Dad the boys at school are using words I don't know, and I asked mom and I don't think she told me the exact meaning.
Dad says "Son, I told you never to go to mom with these matters, she cant handle them. What are the words?"
He tells him...pussy and bitch.
Dad says "OK" and pulls a Playboy down from the shelf, takes a marker and circles the pubic area of the centerfold and says, "son, everything inside this circle, is pussy."
"OK dad, so what's a bitch?"
"Son" he says, "everything outside that circle."
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Blonde Car Crash

2007-06-06T03:26:00.002-07:00

As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened.

The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..."

The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."

Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Consultants Commandments

2007-06-06T03:26:00.001-07:00

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Work is accomplished by those employees who are still striving to reach their level of incompetence.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. (Project Management at its best).
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Gold Coins

2007-06-06T03:25:00.001-07:00

One day on the way home from work, I stopped at the local Pharmacy and while I was checking out, I picked up some candy to take home for me and my 7-year old son. It was a bag of Gold Coins (Gold Foil-covered chocolate candy coins). There were many sizes, from dime to dollar. I took the bag home, and me and my son opened the bag and ate all of the coins, my son taking the bigger dollar-sized ones and me taking the smaller ones.

The next day, my wife, my son and I stopped at the Pharmacy again to pick up a few things. While my wife and I were shopping, we noticed that my son had picked up a Gold Coin Condom. Before we could catch him, he took it up to the counter and asked the Pharmacist, "What's this?"

The woman, looking very serious, said, "That's a condom, son."

To which my son replied, "My daddy BOUGHT me some of these yesterday!"

With a disgusted look on her face, the Pharmacist replied, "Those are NOT for children, young man."

And finally, my son replied, "Then I'll buy this one for my Daddy. He likes the LITTLE ones!"
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

In The Desert

2007-06-06T03:19:00.001-07:00

There's a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead traveling through the desert when their car suddenly stalls. They all get out of the car and, upon realizing that it's not going to start, they each take one thing from the car. The brunette takes a bottle of water, the redhead takes a bag of food with her, and the blonde takes the car door.

They begin to walk through the desert, and soon stop to rest. At this point the blonde and the brunette turn to the redhead and ask her why she brought the food. She replies, "Well, in case I get hungry I'll have something to eat."

They all think this is pretty reasonable and then the redhead and the blonde turn to the brunette and ask her why she decided to bring water. The brunette replies, "Well, in case I got thirsty I'll have something to drink." They all decide that's a good idea, too.

Finally, the brunette and the redhead turn to the blonde and ask her why on earth she would take the car door. She replies, "Well, I thought if I got hot I could roll down the window."
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Monkey Measurements

2007-06-06T03:14:00.000-07:00

Thomas goes to the zoo to feed the monkeys. He throws a monkey a peanut, the monkey picks it up, sticks it in his rear, pulls it out and eats it.

Thomas goes, "YUK!"

He throws the monkey another peanut. The monkey picks it up, sticks it in his rear, pulls it out and eats it.

Thomas goes, "YUK!"

He goes to the zookeeper and he says, "Man, that is one very stupid monkey."

The zookeeper says, "No, that's a very smart monkey. Last week, somebody threw him a big peach, he ate it, and he couldn't pass the pit. So now he measures everything first."
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Stupid Tricks For Points

2007-06-06T03:13:00.000-07:00

(Betcha can't score more than 15 points by the end of the day!)

One-Point Gags
--------------------
· Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
· In the middle of a meeting, suddenly shout out "Yahtzee!"
· Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way."
· Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
· Run one lap around the office at top speed.
· To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
· Walk sideways to the photocopier.
· When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"
· While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

Three-Point Gags
-------------------------
· Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it."
· Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
· Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
· Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
· Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

Five-Point Gags
----------------------
· After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in, "The report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.
· Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do number two."
· At lunch time get down on your knees and announce "As God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
· At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
· Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, "Ya wanna trade?"
· Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it."
· Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
· For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'.
· Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
· In a colleagues diary, write in 10:00 am "See how I look in tights."
· In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
· Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person:
"Do you hear that?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now"
· Tuck one pant leg into your sock and when queried, answer, "not now" and walk away.
· Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
· While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
· While talking to a colleague, pick your nose.
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

4 Sons

2007-06-06T03:11:00.000-07:00

These 4 gents go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.

"My son Kent," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "Norm's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man's son, Greg, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son turned out," he replies. "For 15 years, Chico's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay. However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Having A Baby

2007-06-06T03:09:00.001-07:00

A blonde, brunette and a redhead, all good friends are each 3 months pregnant.

The redhead comes out with, "I’m having a baby boy".The blonde asks, "How do you know that"

The redhead says, "When we were having sex, I was on top"

The brunette then says "Than I must be having a baby girl, since I was on the bottom when we were having sex"

The blonde begins to cry uncontrollably. Both friends ask why she is so upset.

I’m going to have puppies"
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

The Psychic Hotline

2007-06-06T03:08:00.000-07:00

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Hypnotist

2007-06-06T03:07:00.001-07:00

A woman comes home and tells her husband, Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone. No more headaches the husband asks, What happened? His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat I do not have a headache. I do not have a headache. I do not have a headache. It worked! The headaches are all gone. The husband replies, Well, that is wonderful. His wife then says, You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the
hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that? The husband agrees to try it.

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, Don't move, I'll be right back. He goes into the bathroom and
comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, Boy, that was wonderful! The husband says, Don't move! I will be right back. He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, Don't move, I'll be right back. With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not
my wife!
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Heart Transplant

2007-06-06T03:06:00.000-07:00

A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks him "How are you feeling?" The man replies "Not BAAAAD!"
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

A CD Player

2007-06-06T03:05:00.002-07:00

While shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicalese on the promotional signs. One designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, "What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?" "That means", he said, "that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal - that is, into music." "In other words this CD player plays CDs." "Exactly."
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Young Lawyer

2007-06-06T03:05:00.001-07:00

An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, so she began interviewing young lawyers.

'As I'm sure you can understand,' she started off with one of the first applicants, 'in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question.' She leaned forward. 'Mr. Peterson, are you an *honest* lawyer?'

'Honest?' replied the job prospect. 'Let me tell you something about honesty. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.'

'Impressive..... And what sort of case was that?'

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, 'He sued me for the money.'

Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Two Caged Canaries

2007-06-06T03:03:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there were two canaries in a cage. Naturally, one was male and the other female. After many months, the male decided to meet the female. So he scooted over to her side of the cage and said,

"Since we're in this together, why don't I move over to your side of the cage!"

The female canary replied, "No, thanks!!"

So he went back to his side but found he could stay there no longer. Once again, he moved to her side of the cage. This time he asked,

"I am sorry I was to forward the first time. Why don't we get to know each other first."

To which she replied again, "No, thanks!"

Resigning himself to return to his side of the cage, he languished about for a bit then made one final effort. He went halfway across the cage and stated,

"Well, could we at least talk?"

This time she replied, "Oh, I am so sorry I have been so mean. You see I just learned I have a canarial disease called, "Chirpies" and I hear it is untweetable."

Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Bad Temper Problem

2007-06-06T03:02:00.001-07:00

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.

Doctor: Tell me about your problem.

Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid fool!!

Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Smart Salesman

2007-06-06T03:01:00.001-07:00

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked, "Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"

Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again. "Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?"

Again, the man replies bluntly, "You must be crazy pal, now go away!"

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy, "Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says, "HEY, this brownie tastes like crap!"

"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"

Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

New Christmas

2007-06-06T02:59:00.001-07:00

A little boy returned from Sunday School with a new perspective on the Christmas story. He had learned all about the Wise Men from the East who brought gifts to the Baby Jesus. He was so excited he could hardly wait to tell his parents.

As soon as he arrived home, he immediately began, "I learned all about the very first Christmas in Sunday School today! There wasn't a Santa Claus way back then, so these three skinny guys on camels had to deliver all the toys! And Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with his nose so bright wasn't there yet, so they had to have this big spotlight in the sky to find their way around!"
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Neat Trick

2007-06-06T02:58:00.000-07:00

The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said,
"I'm so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the
trick he has been promising us."

The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that my dear,"
she asked.

The little boy replied, "I heard daddy tell mommy that he
would climb the damn walls if you came to visit us again."
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Bride Cheats On Groom

2007-06-06T02:57:00.000-07:00

This one is appparently a true story...

This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to: thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.

He especially wanted to thank the bride and groom's families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception. He wanted to thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope, including the wedding party. He said that this was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open the envelopes. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding. After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said "F--- you," he turned to the bride and said Fuck you," and then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm out of here." He had the marriage annulled first thing that Monday morning. While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it as if nothing was wrong. His revenge: making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for the 300 guest wedding and reception. Letting everyone know exactly what did happen. And best of all, trashing the bride and best man's reputations in front of all of their friends, their entire families, i.e. their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews, etc.

This guy has balls the size of church bells. This is his world, we just live in it.

Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

No New Bike

2007-06-06T02:55:00.000-07:00

For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle.

His father said, "Son, we'd love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Johnny told him, "I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell mom you were pulling out. I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.

And I'll be damned if I'm sticking around here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no transportation."
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Who Came First?

2007-06-06T02:53:00.002-07:00

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg is frowning and looking very frustrated.

The egg mutters, to no one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

My Wife Is A Liar

2007-06-06T02:53:00.001-07:00

"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.

"How do you know?" the friend asked.

"She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley."

"So?"

"So she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister, Shirley."
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

One Request

2007-06-06T02:52:00.001-07:00

An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman are in a maximum security prison in the U.S, about to do 10 years each in solitary for crimes they didn't commit. One of the Guards takes pity on them and says, "Look lads, I can't get you off the hook, but what I can do as a consolation is give each of you a ten year supply of whatever you want. So what will it be?"

The Englishman says, "Well I love a cup of tea, so I'd like 10 years' worth of tea." The guard obliges and leads the englishman down.

The Scotsman says, "I really like a drink, personally. 10 years' worth of Whiskey would suit me great." The guard gets the Scotsman his whiskey and takes him down to his cell.

The Irishman says, "You know what, I really like a smoke. My wish would be 10 years' worth of cigarettes." His request is granted and he is taken down to do his 10 years.

10 years later the three men are finally released. The Englishman comes out and says to the guard, "Thanks, that supply of tea really helped to get me through. Thanks a lot." Then he leaves.

The Scotsman comes out drunk as a monkey. He walks up to the guard and hugs and thanks him. "Thanks mate, those 10 years went by quick as a flash." He trundles happily off, staggering all over the place.

The Irishman emerges looking terrible. "Have you got a light?", he says.
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Beer Cans

2007-06-06T02:50:00.000-07:00

Back when Bill Clinton and Hillary got married Bill told her, "There's one thing I want you to know. There's a box under my bed and I don't want you to look in it until I die."

Hillary agreed to this but, over the years, the curiosity got the better of her and she finally looked in it. She found three beer cans and 1.5 million dollars in cash.

When she asked Bill what the beer cans were for, he replied, "Well, those are for all the times I've cheated on you."

Hillary said, "Well, that's not bad after all these years and you being a politician and traveling and all."

She was about to leave, but then she said, "Hey, Bill, what about the 1.5 million dollars?"

Bill replied, "That's for all the times the box got full and I had to cash the cans in."
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Sweet Road Rage

2007-06-06T02:40:00.000-07:00

An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for. The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I was going to park there!" The man was a real smart aleck and he said, "That's what you can do when you're young and quick."

Well, this really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car and backed it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes. The young man ran back to his car and asked, "What did you do that for?" The little old lady smiled and told him, "That's what you can do when you're old and rich!"
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Ups! I Miss Him

2007-06-06T02:39:00.000-07:00

A middle-aged man and woman met, fell in love and got married.

On their wedding night they settled into the bridal suite and the wife said to her new husband, "Please promise to be gentle. I'm still a virgin."

"But how can that be?" the startled husband said. "You've been married three times before."

"Well," she explained, "my first husband was a psychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it.

My second husband was a gynecologist, and all he ever wanted to do was look at it.

And my third husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was.... God, I miss him!"

Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Why Is It?

2007-06-06T02:38:00.002-07:00

1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message "one slice"? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

7. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

8. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?

9. Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

10. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

11 Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

12. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

13. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

14. How come we never hear father-in-law jokes?

15. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?

16. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.

Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Blonde Phone Call

2007-06-06T02:38:00.001-07:00

A blonde goes into a worldwide message center to send a message
to her mother in Poland. When the man tells her that it will
cost her $300, she exclaims, "I don't have any money...but I'll
do anything to get a message to my mother in Poland!!!" To
that the man asks, "Anything?"
And the blonde says, "Yes.... ANYTHING!!" With that the man
says, "Follow me!"

He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close
the door." She does this and then he says, "Get on your knees."
She does. He then says, "Take down my zipper." She does. Then
he says, "Go ahead, take it out." With that, she takes it out
and holds it with both hands. And then the man says somewhat
impatiently, "Well, go ahead!!"

She then brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it
very closely to her lips, she says, "HELLO...?, MUM?"Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Things To Say At Work

2007-06-06T02:36:00.000-07:00

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Ladies Night Club

2007-06-06T02:35:00.000-07:00

The other day, my friends and I went to this Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. The dancer came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and stuck it on his butt.

Not to be outdone, my other friend pulled out a $50 bill. She called the guy back over, licked the $50 bill and stuck it on his other butt cheek.

Now the attention was focused on me. What could I do to top that?

I got out my wallet and thought for a minute. Then the banker in me took over. I got my ATM card... Swiped it down his CRACK... Grabbed the 60 Bucks... And went Home!!!
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Bill Gates New Watch

2007-06-06T02:34:00.000-07:00

Scott is struggling through an airport terminal with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when Bill Gates walks up to him and asks: "Have you got the time?" Scott sighs, not recognising Mr. Gates, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. "It's a quarter to six", he says.

"Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims Mr. Gates. Scott brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out..." He shows him a time zone display for every time zone in the world. He hits a few buttons and from somewhere on the watch a voice says "The time is eleven till six" in a very West Texas accent. A few more buttons and the same voice says something in Japanese. Scott continues "I've put in regional accents for each city. The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding."

Bill Gates is dumb struck with admiration. "That's not all...", says Scott. He pushes a few more buttons and a tiny but very hi-resolution map of New York City appears on the display. "The flashing dot shows our location by satellite positioning," explains Scott.

"View recede ten", Scott says, and the display changes to show eastern New York state. "I want to buy this watch!" says Bill Gates, thinking of the potential profits after his engineers tear it apart and then market it throughout the world.

"Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the bugs", says the inventor. "But look at this", and he proceeds to demonstrate that "the watch is also a very creditable little FM radio receiver with a digital tuner, a sonar device that can measure distances up to 125 meters, a pager with thermal paper printout and, most impressive of all, the capacity for voice recordings of up to 300 standard-size books, though I only have 32 of my favourites in there so far" says Scott.

"I've got to have this watch!!" says Bill Gates, becoming insane with desire. "No, you don't understand; it's not ready." "I'll give you $2,000 for it!" "Oh, no, I've already spent more than..." "I'll give you $8,000 for it!" "But it's just not..." "I'll give you $20,000 in cash for it!" And Bill Gates pulls out his bulging wallet.

Scott stops to think. He's only put about $8,500 into materials and development, and with $20,000 he can make another one and have it ready for merchandising in maybe a year or so. Bill Gates frantically waves the cash in front of Scott: "Here it is, right here and now, $20,000! Take it or leave it!" Scott abruptly makes his decision: "Okay," he agrees as he peels off the watch and hands it to the stranger.

They make the exchange and Bill Gates prances happily away. "Hey, wait a minute", calls Scott after the stranger. Bill Gates turns around warily and says: "What?" Scott ! points to the two heavy suitcases he had been trying to wrestle through the terminal. "Don't forget your batteries."

Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

The Dishes

2007-06-06T02:33:00.001-07:00

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.

Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

Steve sits down for dinner and It is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE FUCKING DISHES!!"
Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Lucky painter

2007-06-06T02:30:00.000-07:00

A beautiful girl is lying on a gurney, about to undergo a minor surgery.

She is wheeled into the corridor by a nurse, then left alone.

While the nurse is away, a young man in a white coat approaches the girl, takes the sheets away and starts examining her naked body.

He walks away and talks to another guy in a white coat. The second man comes over and starts examining her.

When a third man begins to examine her body, the girl begins to grow impatient.

“All of this examining is great, you guys are really thorough,” she says. “But when will I be having my operation?”

The first man shrugs his shoulders. “Beats me. We’re just painting the hall.”

Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Banana Phone

2007-06-06T02:28:00.002-07:00

Source : http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/3053/Banana+Phone/

Farmer's Wife

2007-06-06T02:28:00.001-07:00

So one night, the farmer gets drunk. He grabs his wife's tits and says, "If these could give milk, we could get rid of the cows."

He grabs her butt and says, "If this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens."

The wife grabs the farmer's dick and says, "And if this stayed hard, we could get rid of your brother."

Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

I hate camping

2007-06-06T02:27:00.001-07:00

A husband comes home from work on Friday and says to his wife "you got three choices and have to chose one. You can go camping with me this weekend, give me a blowjob, or get fucked up the ass".
Wife thinks and replies: "I hate camping with you. Getting fucked up the ass hurts. So I will give you a blowjob". Hubby says:"Great!" and drops his pants. His wife starts blowing him. About 20 seconds after she stops, looks up at him and says: "Your dick tastes like dog shit!". He replies: "Well, honey, you see, our dog didn't want to go camping either".

Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Policemen In Heaven

2007-06-06T02:25:00.000-07:00

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up.

"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"

"I was a policeman," he responded.

"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.

"I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids."

"Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates."

A few moments later a second man walks up.

"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"

"I was a policeman," he responded.

"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.

"I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers."

"Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise."

A few moments later a third man walks up.

"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"

"I was a policeman," he responded.

"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.

"I was a Military Policeman, Sir."

"Excellent my son, I have to leave for a bit, watch the gate will you?"

Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Dog in head

2007-06-06T02:24:00.000-07:00

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father", answered the mother, "I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block."
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.

2007-06-06T02:23:00.000-07:00

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this,
yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own. So does she.

Source : http://www.funnypicture.ws/joke.html

Funny Joke: Funeral

2007-06-06T02:21:00.001-07:00

A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull dog on a leash. Behind were 200 women walking single file. The woman couldn't stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?" The woman replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my husband." "What happened to him?" The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him." She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?" The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her." A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women. "Can I borrow the dog?" "Get in line."

beer and banana

2007-06-06T02:19:00.000-07:00

Cactus eating cat

2007-06-06T02:11:00.001-07:00

Cactus eating cat

2007-06-06T02:11:00.000-07:00

USB brush

2007-06-06T02:10:00.001-07:00

Picture usb brush

Typical Guy

2007-06-06T02:08:00.000-07:00

Toilet label

2007-06-06T02:05:00.000-07:00

Huge ladies

2007-06-06T02:04:00.001-07:00

Funy pict2

2007-06-06T02:01:00.000-07:00

Hottie Loves The Cock

2007-06-06T01:57:00.000-07:00